My name is Dame Yorkshire Pudding of Worcestershire, and I am writing to inform you of the loss of my dear late husband, Sir Edward B. Spankalot, or as I affectionately referred to him, "Spanky". Spanky was heir to the throne of Wonkaville and the fortune bequeathed to him has now been transferred into my withered young hands. Having only been married to dear Spanky for the brief -but beautiful - period of 3 1/2 months, I couldn't possibly dream of keeping the fortune to spend on further breast augmentations or impossibly oiled pool-men whose names I can't pronounce. No, the honourable thing to do is to give it to various charities who can use this money for further good in the world, such as bringing authentic designer labels to the third-world, or the funding of medical science via the church of Scientology. Hence why I am writing to you, stranger. I seek to maintain anonymity throughout these proceedings so the privacy that Spanky so dearly valued due to his unspeakable deformity (a ghastly hangnail) is respected. All that would be required of you would be sending your bank and credit card details to me so that I may immediately transfer the funds to your nominated account for you to then pass on to the appropriate philanthropic organisations. I would attach a list of some of the causes and groups Spanky supported throughout the course of his life but alas, the majority of them have been outlawed.
Yours ever-so-sincerely,
Lady Spanky von-Worcestershire
