Whether you have been waiting avidly for me to resume my blogging duties or stumbled across this page while searching for porn I would like to welcome you. I know my absence has been an extended one. I ask only that you treat it as you would that of a distant cousin in the 1950s whose return you acknowledge with a slightly arched eyebrow and a nod that says "you fucked up, but we won't mention it again", with no questions therein asked.
I am back in sunny Sydney and have had many months to reflect on my time as Sofia, the fish-mongering gondolier with big dreams and humble English. Often it is only with the passing of time that life's biggest lessons are made clear to us. I have been lucky to have already had some major revelations which include:
1. I never want to have to row any kind of gondola/motorised boating device/thing with an oar, for my occupation again. Ever.
2. Singing unaccompanied in noisy canals with people yelling at you all day is not fun for you, or your vocal chords.
3. I got really fat in Macau.
4. 3 servings of MSG injected food per day will make you fat.
5. I like to eat when I'm depressed.
This all sounds pretty negative, but in the same way that we tend to forget everything but the stale peanut butter sandwiches from our childhood (of which there were many), it's easy to push aside the good moments. So here are some happy things I have taken away from the experience:
1. Friends! (And I hope to see them both again some day!)
2. $---- (unspecified for tax purposes)
3. A far deeper understanding of my singing craft (singing in canals will f*%$ with your voice)
4. A far deeper understanding of the dynamics within musical ensembles (some "jazz" musicians are just a**holes)
5. An appreciation for the beautiful blue Australian sky and scenery (as opposed to variations on "overcast" and "grey")
In other news....
My Sydney return saw me launch my debut album "Waksing Lyrical" (yes I thought of it all by myself, and behind the scoff I sense your respect for my pun-tastic powers). The launch was a big hit and the cd has gone on to do big things, selling like hot-cakes on whatever corner I am begging, I mean performing, on a given day. I have calculated that taking into account future inflation and the digitisation of media forms I will recoup the expenses of making the album in approximately...
1025391.7435 years?
Until the album really takes off or finds its way into the hands of a capable marketing manager (or even just someone who could upload it to iTunes) I have secured the happy position of "The Nanny" for two separate households. Apart from the uncanny cultural and vocal qualities I share with the character in the much beloved television show of the same name, my job is slightly different. I basically get paid to go to the park, play wii, watch tv, play lego, and make origami. I guess you could say I'm getting a chance "to do over" my childhood. There is some light cooking involved but my previous microwave experience meant I was more than qualified. I love being able to hang out with 6 yr olds because they don't judge you when you speak in weird voices as the cat or do extended jazz improvisations ("Does this sound like a trumpet to you??????") - in fact, they respect you for it.
This wasn't so scary, re-establishing my place in the cyber world. Until next week when I will no doubt have many a thrilling narrative to relate (eating all-you-can-eat pizza tomorrow, sounds like a bestseller!).
x
