Hello. My name is Miriam and I am a professional liar.

My dear, faithful readers. Firstly, may I say how thrilled I am that in the past month my internet following has risen a whopping 400%. I didn't know I knew 4 such literary connoisseurs. Let it be known I am now technologically active and my posts shall flow forth like a stream of delicious, cheap Portuguese wine (which coincidentally there is an abundance of here). There is much to acquaint you with, so much in fact that I know not where to begin. But I shall start with an overview as to what my job here entails.

6 days a week I assume the persona of a sweet, working-class Italian girl. From the moment I step onto the dock I am no longer Miriam Waks, the slightly ebullient and certainly unbalanced Jewish pork-eater from Sydney, Australia. Thanks to a wardrobe of striped shirt, black pants, red sash, and straw hat, I am transformed. At all times I am in character with Italian English-speaking accent, transporting every possible variety of tourist through the winding canals, engaging them in conversation (in the case of non-esl Chinese tourists this conversation is limited to "Ni Hao!" and "Xie Xie") and on the return journey crooning Italian songs and English songs with an Italian flava. It can get slightly confusing singing any English song with an Italian accent (particularly when Beyonce was requested) but I'm adjusting. What I didn't expect was that I would be singing nearly as many Hindi songs on my gondola as Italian. Thanks to the large Indian tourist presence, at least 50% of my 'passengieri' require me to sing every Hindi song I know. Needless to say, after 2 weeks on the water those 2 ½ songs are starting to wear a bit thin.

It may sound like all fun and games but there are some major occupational hazards which come with the responsibility of being a Gondolier. I have taken the liberty of compiling a short list.

Occupational Hazards of being a Gondolier:

1. A immense sense of guilt that you are conning people into believing you are really from Italy.

2. Being mobbed on your way to the bathroom/in the bathroom camera-holding tourists who MUST have their picture with you.

3. Hand cramps from rowing.

4. Falling into the water when you are attempting your funkiest Bollywood move.

5. Losing your voice singing on the noisy canals.

6. Vocabulary depletion due to speaking in broken English all day.

7. Hat hair.

On top of my gondoliering duties I also perform 3 nights (10pm-2am) at a beautiful lounge called "The View". I don't know why it is called that, but it is on the top floor of a major hotel in Macau and has an amazing view which overlooks the many impressive casinos and hotels. On these nights I am lucky enough to play with an incredible jazz band (Piano, Double Bass, Drums, and on the weekends, Saxophone). The only shock has been to my system which prior to this job was barely accustomed to 9 hours work a week let alone 9-11 hours a day. But I am slowly adjusting.

I have moved into my apartment, 2 bedroom, 1 bathroom (I call it a bathroom because we actually have a bath. Outrageous!!!). I live with a most wonderful opera singer called Marga. In fact I should mention that practically everyone is extremely talented. Many very strong vocalists which, as a fellow gondolier commented, can be a shock to the ego that is generally accustomed to being cushioned with a false sense of security and superiority regarding one's own talent. But I have embraced the immense talent surrounding me and am excited at the prospect of learning and developing here.

*Holds up cup* "Here's to prospering and growing!". (Grow I most certainly shall - stay tuned for a segment on Macau cuisine)